Content Warning: This post includes personal experiences, including loss, food insecurity, and struggles with homesteading challenges. Some descriptions may be difficult to read. Please proceed with care.
Welcome the survival diary for June 15, here is what is happening today on our homestead.
Some days are easier than others.
Some days, life feels manageable, almost peaceful.
And then there are days like today—where the weight of it all feels heavier than usual.
Today was a mix of good and bad, and while I try to focus on the positives, sometimes the loneliness creeps in stronger than usual.
Good News from the Cancer Center, But a Heavy Heart
I’ll start with the good.
My doctor at the Cancer Center gave me news I’ve been hoping for—my bloodwork is stable.
That means instead of monthly blood tests and quarterly checkups, I can stretch things out.
Every other month for blood work.
Every six months for an appointment.
And if things keep improving?
Eventually, I’ll only need a yearly checkup.
That’s a huge relief.
A blessing.
And yet, even with that good news, I still feel… off.
Loneliness isn’t something new for me.
It’s been a part of my life for so long that most days, I don’t even think about it.
But today, it settled in deeper, sinking into my bones.
Maybe it’s just been a rough few days, or maybe it’s that sense of fighting battles—big and small—without enough support.
The Mailman’s Complaints – Another Battle to Fight
Yesterday, the mailman had a list of grievances—my yard, my mailbox, my dog.
Charlie is never outside of fenced areas unless he’s on a leash, but the mailman was convinced he would somehow break through the door to get to him.
He requested to avoid delivering to my house at all as long as Charlie was there.
It felt like an unnecessary fight on top of everything else.
When Jeff got home, he spent over an hour trying to get the weed eater started, but it refused to work.
I grabbed the small battery-powered one and did what I could, cutting down the weeds that had gotten too thick to mow.
But the real kicker?
The mailman wasn’t even complaining about the weeds.
Someone had come by the day before and dug out an entire flower bed—without my permission.
The mess left behind was what the mailman had an issue with.
So last night, Jeff found an old mailbox I had been using for garden tools, tied it to the end of the wheelchair ramp, and hoped that would solve the issue.
But today, the mailman ignored it completely.
This morning, I woke up drained.
The confrontation had taken more out of me than I wanted to admit.
I called the post office, only to find out that the mailman hadn’t even mentioned any of this to his boss.
Apparently, he’d had a bad experience with a dog a few years ago, and that fear was still affecting how he did his job.
I explained—again—that Charlie was always contained.
He said he’d pass the information along, but honestly, I’m not sure if it’ll make a difference.
Jeff’s Long Hours and the Distance Between Us
Jeff worked another 12-hour shift today.
By the time he came home, he was beyond exhausted.
We grabbed something quick to eat, and then he went straight to bed.
I had hoped this new job would give us more time together, but it hasn’t worked out that way at all.
He’s always tired.
Always drained.
And I know—we need the money.
The bills don’t pay themselves.
But still… I miss him.
I miss having time together that isn’t just rushing to grab food before he collapses into bed.
I know it’s selfish.
I know a lot of people have it worse.
But I can’t help but wish for more.
The Rain Keeps Falling – And So Do the Expectations
The rain hasn’t let up.
The ground is too wet to weed.
The garden still needs tilling.
The grass grows faster than we can cut it.
And yet, people are quick to complain.
The weeds, the tall grass, the bushes that need trimming—it’s like they don’t stop to think that maybe there’s a reason things aren’t perfect.
Maybe the weather isn’t cooperating.
Maybe there are bigger struggles happening behind the scenes.
It wasn’t always like this.
People used to help each other.
They used to understand.
I’m lucky—most of my neighbors are good people, the kind who lend a hand when they can.
But there are always a few who don’t care to understand.
A few who would rather point fingers than offer help.
And that’s the saddest part of all.
Final Thoughts
Today was a day of ups and downs.
Good news from the doctor, but a heavy heart.
Progress in some areas, but frustration in others.
Loneliness that settled in a little deeper than usual.
But I’ll keep going.
Because that’s what I do.
Because survival—on the homestead, in life—is about pushing forward, even when it’s hard.
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